Memorable Zaps Guild

Memorable Zaps Guild

Memorable Zaps is a guild on Neopets that is 18+, Semi-Lit, Adoption/Zapping.


    Lenny - June 21 - ???

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    Lenny59

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    Age : 59
    Location : Southern Oregon

    Lenny - June 21 - ???

    Post  Lenny59 on Wed Jun 20, 2012 4:38 pm

    Hi everyone. A few hours ago, I learned my mother passed away last night. She lived on the North Coast of OR, about 5 hours away. We leave in the morning. I am taking my computer, and will try to get on at least once a day, probably in the evening, NST.

    I thank the gods for my friends, and mostly my wonderful hubby Sam, who is keeping my head on my shoulders. She was 84, and went in her sleep, but must have known, because the left a scrap of paper on the nightstand with the name of the funeral home on it. She will be cremated, and her dear friend, Pat, who found her today, will take us out in his fishing boat to scatter her ashes. My daddy went to the ocean years ago, and they will be together again.

    Love you all - I don't know how long we will be there this first trip, and then there's the house to deal with, and O I am just overwhelmed...I'll be around tonight (Wed.20th), and after that, I just don't know...I promise to get in at least once a day, though.


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    Kathleen
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    Re: Lenny - June 21 - ???

    Post  Kathleen on Wed Jun 20, 2012 4:55 pm

    Oh lenny dear I am so sorry for you loss hun.

    If there is anything at all I can do just let me know. I added my skype name to my intro but it is mem0kv (0 is a zero) and you can add me and talk to me ANYTIME. Drive safe and take care of yourself.

    Speaking from experience.. don't let yourself get stressed out. Take time to get some stuff done that requires it but also take time to relax and think back on positive times..special moments.

    You take care of what you need to and Aurelia and I will hold down the fort here.
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    BryneVampyr

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    Re: Lenny - June 21 - ???

    Post  BryneVampyr on Wed Jun 20, 2012 4:59 pm

    I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you


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    Lenny59

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    Re: Lenny - June 21 - ???

    Post  Lenny59 on Wed Jun 20, 2012 10:47 pm

    O and she does not have internet, at her house....so I will be spotty at best. Golly.


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    orilla
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    Re: Lenny - June 21 - ???

    Post  orilla on Thu Jun 21, 2012 12:29 am

    Oh my goodness Lenny I am so sorry!! I hope she lived a full life. I am sure you will miss her terribly for having her as part of your life for so long. Scattering her ashes in the ocean is a Family tradition here as well. We all meet in the sea. I know she will be joyous to see her husband again. My prayers and thoughts are with you.
    Crying or Very sad


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    Lenny59

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    Re: Lenny - June 21 - ???

    Post  Lenny59 on Fri Jun 22, 2012 7:14 pm

    thank you all for your kind words. she did indeed have a very full life.

    I could not get on at all yesterday - the motel had ISP troubles, so we have switched motels.

    Met with the funeral home today, to sign paperwork. she was so organized that it was prepaid, what a blessing. I stand in her house, and just look around and wonder what I am ever going to to with all her lovely things. She was a packrat, with very good taste, so it's mostly antiques and art.

    We must get an appraiser in, so that probate can begin, and then there is an auction house here that mama had recommended to me, so I will probably have them sell alot of it. So many things I would love to keep forever, but it's just not possible.

    But on a bright note, the wi-fi at the new motel works great! **huggas all**


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    cosira

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    Re: Lenny - June 21 - ???

    Post  cosira on Fri Jun 22, 2012 9:14 pm

    Will keep you in our thoughts and prayers. Hubby and I extend our condelences to you and your family. Glad that Sam is there to help you through this time.

    Bobbie and Paul
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    Kathleen
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    Re: Lenny - June 21 - ???

    Post  Kathleen on Sun Jun 24, 2012 10:03 am

    Lenny, it is truly a blessing she did a lot ahead of time but I know there is still much work to be done. Maybe see if other members in your family would like some of the things so at least you know where they will be and people in family will be able to enjoy it? After losing my mom the hardest thing to part with for me was her clothes, and this older hand crank ice crusher. I still have the ice crusher and actually use it sometimes and I held on to the boxes of clothes for a long time and I think I came to an age (I was 15 when she passed) when I realized her clothes were doing me no good, she was taller than I am, she had a different style and she worked in a factory so her work wouldn't be able to be mine and I kept a tub of her tshirts and the rest I donated because someone out there could use it. Any of her shirts from trips I had a family member turn into a blanket and Mason has a huge teddy bear with one of them on it and I have a few others for the girls and if my brother ever has kids. Just remember it is ok to want to hold on to those things for as long as want. I too am thankful Sam is there with you, tell him to give you a big hug from me Smile

    I will be around a bit more (posting in my absent announcement after this) and it will explain lol
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    Lenny59

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    Re: Lenny - June 21 - ???

    Post  Lenny59 on Sat Jun 30, 2012 4:43 pm

    My intent in writing this is not to make anyone pity my mother, or me, or to feel bad in any way. I mean to inform and warn, and I want all you ladies to get tested regularly, and all you guys to pester the women in your life until they do. And do remember, in rare cases, guys can get it, too.

    For many years, my mom had said if her quality of life got to be not good anymore, she would take steps to end it. In recent years she had become more adamant about it, and I have always been in complete agreement with her, and I helped her research various methods.

    She disliked doctors, and prescriptions, and we looked in to more organic methods. She was found peacefully in her bed, appearing quite tranquil. When we arrived, it was very obvious that it was very well planned. She had a big 'to-do' list for me on the table, right next to the stack of paid bills for the month, and her will. Everything in perfect order, cremation pre-paid and all. She had even put in a change of address at the post office, so I would get her mail. The coroner has not determined yet what substance she ingested, but it was ruled a suicide, and we have a temporary death certificate.

    The bank had my name on the books, so it was no problem accessing her accounts, as I need to keep the bills paid up until the house sells. We will be making many more trips up there, to get the house ready for the market.

    When we arrived home, there was a letter waiting from her. She had known about the breast cancer for 3 years, and had never said a word to anyone. She had not been out in her garden since December, right after our last visit, and she was miserable and in pain.
    She knew full well I would have moved right in with her to take care of her, and she didn't want that at all - I had tried to do that when my dad passed, way before I met Sam. She said 'Absolutely NOT!' She was a very independent woman, and treasured her time alone to do whatever she wanted to, without anyone else around.

    I will miss her terribly, but I am so happy that she went in the time, place, and manner she wanted.

    DO A SELF-EXAM EVERY TIME YOU SHOWER!!!

    *blessings and huggas to ALL!*


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    Kathleen
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    Re: Lenny - June 21 - ???

    Post  Kathleen on Sat Jun 30, 2012 6:13 pm

    That is a very good reminder Lenny! And you need to do it twice as often and get the mammograms! I have a history of BC in my family (Grandmother and Aunt on moms side survived it) and it is likely my mom would of gotten it had she not died when she had. I am considered "high risk".

    I perfectly agree with how your mom did things, my mom would of probably done the same thing. I often regret how some things were before my moms death but she was awake and ok with the vent but when the last hospital error caused her to "brain dead" we knew she wouldn't want to be on life support for long and we chose to end it. At least you know she went peacefully and how she wanted. When you look back you will know that, it might not make things easier but it might remind you of how independent she was and you know she got what she wanted and did it her own way.
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    Lenny59

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    Re: Lenny - June 21 - ???

    Post  Lenny59 on Sat Jun 30, 2012 7:25 pm

    Yes, I would imagine I am high risk too, as it also got my grandmother on my dad's side. However, I share my mother's feelings about doctors. I am rabid about self-exam, and if I ever find a problem, off to the doc I go, though. I am wary of mammograms, but would certainly get one if I ever found an issue.

    And you made the right decision, Kathy, on your mom - mine had taped a huge DNR sign above her bed, and had a sticky note on her drivers license directing folks to the DNR certificate in her purse.

    For anyone who does not know how to do a self-exam: NBCF

    And for you guys: Male exam


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    Kathleen
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    Re: Lenny - June 21 - ???

    Post  Kathleen on Sat Jun 30, 2012 8:49 pm

    I didn't use to be scared of doctors but after what my mom went through? I am HORRIFIED! I only go if it is absolutely necessary. After we moved and I got this job my insurance required a physical and I went and ended up switching doctors 3 times. After telling them what happened to my mom the first few didn't understand my concern. I thankfully found a female doctor that does normal primary as well as OBGY because otherwise I might of waited till the girls were ready to burst out before finding a doctor, ok actually no I would of went when the morning sickness was so bad I told Adam "I must be dying.. look my body wants me to eject my stomach" I go when I must or it is required, my doctor and her staff know that if I am calling I need an appt. Sneezing? flu? allergies? similar things..I will go to walgreens or cvs.

    About my mom- She was in decent shape, not perfect but still good. She was only on medication for her acid reflux till after she switch jobs and a new doctor said she needed thyroid meds, and that turned into her needing her thyroid out when it became a goiter a few years later. I was almost 15 and I went to school on the day she met the surgeon (Dr. Casey) but that surgery (in February) went fine. Her Dr found out she needed her gallbladder out too, and set up an appt with another surgeon and set the surgery for end of July, but in early June her surgeon had to cancel it because of her needing medical stuff herself and since Casey was general surgeon Mom asked him to do it, I went with her and afterwards I told him I didn't really like him that he seemed stuck up and I wasn't sure.. she decided to go for it anyways and her surgery was last week of July. I was 15 now, out on summer vacation, my brother (24 at time) was working and it was supposed to just be In and Out. She went in, and I sat in her room, she got out and was so nauseous the nurse paged for meds, she paged and paged and he didn't answer till the following morning This would be mistake 1, he should of answered sooner and the problem could of been found sooner and the results could of been different..this also makes me "the bitch" when family members are now in the hospital because I will complain and complain and go up the food chain till what needs to be done is done.. the Patient Advocacy here at the local hospital knows me very well from when FIL was in hospital and he decided to go back in. Again brother was at work and I was there, he told us it wouldn't be nothing serious. He comes out and speaks to me He should of gotten my brother and asks me if she had any ulcers, and I said no and he tries to say that she must have because of the med she was on and I said no that was acid reflux and so then he tells me well she had an ulcer burst Nope- medical records found he had nicked something My mom was in ICU on a ventilator and we were told she would recover fine if she became alert and she did 2 weeks later (Mid August) My brother and I felt so bad about having her on the vent, we went back and forth all the time. The head DR in ICU kept telling us she had fluid in her lungs but they could only speculate as to the cause Wrong-It was pneumonia and on the last week of August he said she was recovering nicely and would be stepped down a level and off the vent on Sept 2nd. That Tuesday he said he wanted to go in and remove fluid from her lung. I am not in the medical field but this to me made no sense at the time ... They did an xray and found the spot where the fluid was, at the time of the image she was sitting up, when he went in to remove it with a large syringe she was laying on her back FLUID MOVES right?! well he punctured her lung.. they put her on a machine to inflate it and we went for the tube that was supposed to be "kink proof" We asked why she was laying down and not sitting up and he said she hadn't been strong enough.. but she was strong enough after that to sit up and watch TV that night and the next. Thursday I had had to go to school then took the city bus to the hospital and sat with her till I was kicked out for her bath, my brother and aunt showed up and we were told she was sleeping. She had been more agitated knowing the vent was coming out soon and we wanted her to sleep so we all said we would go home, shower, and eat and then rejoin up there but after I took my shower we were called back in because she had coded Her nurse had called my grandmother crying about how he was sorry, he didn't mean for it to happen, she told me this when I called to tell her about the code, and I went looking for him but he had mysteriously disappeared. It was discovered he wasn't supposed to even be there but he was in there and was watching tv and pretending to work when he tripped over her tube to her lung She had been down 55 minutes when they wanted us to go in and say goodbye I will tell you all right now, I will never allow my children to see anything like that nope not ever! and then they said they got a pulse and we were told she would be moved to a room across the hall and oh the DR there was going on vacation and the one would be in in the morning. When the new Dr came in he was so flabbergasted at what had happened and that they hadn't done any brain testing in the last 12 hours. We got the test results and the only delay we made to keep her on life support was so that family who hadn't been allowed to visit before could do so now.

    The regrets I mentioned were 1) not fighting enough for her, 2) not fighting enough to get her moved when she wanted to be as soon as she woke up

    With that - I can wholeheartedly agree with what your mom did. She was a brave brave woman and she knew you would want to take care of her but wanted you to remember her how she was.

    Sorry that was long.. didn't intend for it to be.. I just wanted to explain so some of the things I said would make more sense.
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    Lenny59

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    Re: Lenny - June 21 - ???

    Post  Lenny59 on Sun Jul 01, 2012 7:55 pm

    I, too, have a horror of doctors. My first husband Michael started getting headaches at age 32 (I was 23). The doctors found nothing. The headaches became so bad he could no longer work at his regular jobs of drywall by day, and musician by night. I was working full time, but his daughter was thrust upon us by her mother, and we ended up on Calif. State Medical, and Food Stamps. We went to more doctors, who tested everything under the sun, and ended up saying 'It's all in his head'. They were SO right. I finally demanded a CAT scan, and really had to fight to get it done, because they had to send us out of state at that time (back to Oregon!). He had a brain tumor, and it was huge. They did an exploratory surgery, sewed him up, and said he had 6 months. "O and by the way, we nicked an optic nerve while we were in there, so he's blind in one eye now." He began radiation, but got so sick he said he'd rather die than live like that. My parents footed the bill for us to go to Mexico for the Laetril (all natural, from peach pits, outlawed in the US by the pharmaceutical companies because it WORKS). We went twice, and he got 3 years, with NO headaches. We went to bed one night, and he just did not wake up.

    I do not trust doctors at all, and never go, unless it's really necessary.

    Kathy, I am SO very sorry for the way your mom was treated. Sam's mom was a diabetic, and got a sore on her foot. Her Primary Physician did nothing, just told her to soak it from time to time. She ended up losing her leg, and also her will to fight, she passed a year ago last April. But she had said nothing to the family about a problem. It's just so frustrating when you know you could have fought for them if you had known there was an issue.


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